Happy 18th Birthday, dearest Syaffy! Yay, you're legal age now while I'm not even legally sixteen yet. *insert sad face* Anyways I hope you'll have a memorable birthday. And I'll change for you, for the better since you said it's the best birthday present I could ever give you. Although at times I feel neglected by you, you should know that you never leave my mind.

My stomach hurts like fuck. I'm sufferring from very bad period cramps and now I'm PMS-ing. Stupid period! At times like this, I wish I'm a guy. Anyways yesterday I spent the whole day at home. Staring blankly at my laptop screen, as always. It was indeed a very boring day for me.

I think I'm ready to be the girl I used to be. The one that never cries over the littlest things or got mad about the dumb things. And of course, the one who would never worry about being in love.

Love is giving someone the power and ability to break your heart but trusting them not to. But I have to say, most of the guys I've dated never really appreciate my trust. They treated my heart like a candy and sucked it. They decided it wasn't their favourite flavour and threw it away. I guess that's just love and that's the nature of it. It happens in every relationship. Eventually one person will betray the other. Either way in one big way or in a million small ways. It's inevitable!

I miss Adnan. I seriously do. I'm fighting myself to get him out of my mind but I'm hanging off of every word he said when we were together. Somehow trying to forget him is like trying to remember someone I never knew. Although he broke my heart twice, somewhat he's one of the bestest boyfriends I had. And I kinda promise someday he shall regret losing me. Right now, I really don't know where I stand with him and I don't know what I mean to him. But all I know is everytime I think of him, I wished we could be together again. Okay Nurul Syukriyah is so gonna kill me for this. She never liked Adnan. Yes, the keyword is never. When Adnan and I patch things up, she was against it. But since I was so happy with Adnan, she just kept quiet and felt happy for me. And I didn't know Adnan would end up meaning so much to me. But I guess now I'm just a silly girl who fall for stupid boys. Or he's the silly boy who fall for stupid girls like me. Adnan is the kind of guy who would laugh at me when I fall, but help me up and say, "It's okay. I still love you." He knows how clumsy I can be. Once, I spilled his Big Gulp. I almost cried, thinking he'll scold me. But no, he laughed at me. Actually, he laughs at me all the time. I'm like his laughing gas or something. Between laughing for no reason, stupid arguements, long talks and making fun of each other, we were indeed very much in love. Although I did not get to see him as often as I'd like, but deep inside I truly love him. It was really hard for me to let him go. He was everything I could ever asked for. He was the definition of the absolute best and obviously the reason I get through life. And right now, I'm living in a crap-filled world wih nobody by my side. It sucks but I'll survive. Although somehow life is not worth living when you have no one to love and to be loved in return.

Anyways Nurul, here's an advice for you; Let go when you're hurting too much. Give up when the love's not enough. Move on when things aren't like before. Surely there's someone out there who will love you even more. (Insert name) is a confused jerk. One moment, he says that you're someone important and his life wouldn't be the same without you. Another moment, you're just a friend. I don't know what he's afraid of but he obviously don't deserve your love. You deserve someone way better, honey. And that someone is out there somewhere. See you later okay, babe?

EDITED!

Dan by Sheila on 7

Dan
Dan bila esok
Datang kembali
Seperti sediakala dimana kau bisa bercanda

Dan
Perlahan kaupun
lupakan aku
Mimpi burukmu dimana t'lah kutancapkan duri tajam
Kaupun menangis,
menangis sedih
Maafkan aku

Dan
Bukan maksudku
Bukan inginku
Melukaimu sadarkah kau disini pun kuterluka
Melupakanmu,
menampikkanmu
Maafkan aku

Reff :
Lupakanlah saja diriku
bila itu bisa membuatmu
Kembali bersinar dan berpijar seperti dulu kala
Caci maki saja diriku
bila itu bisa membuatmu
Kembali bersinar dan berpijar seperti dulu kala
Oooh ooooh

This song has been repeating again and again for the past 30 minutes and now it's also my blog song. I told you, I find Indonesian love songs very addictive nowadays. Anyways, this song is dedicated to my dearest ex boyfriend, Adnan. Now suddenly I hate the way he constantly smile when I'm around, I hate the way his eyes light up when they meet mine. I hate the way he walks, talks and act. Wanna know why? Cause their the reasons why I can't let him go. I may be confused about lots of things but I know I was truly happy when I was with him.


EDITED!

Attention, mofoz. My prepaid is officially low again. So if I don't respond to your msges or calls, please do not get all pissed off and angry. Just leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I top up my prepaid which is hopefully in a few days time. Til then, you may contact me through my four social networks, MSN or tagboard.