I wish I could turn back the time.

I been reading baby's letter and our past conversations online again and again. That's the only thing that could prevent myself from feeling too depressed. But tears won't stop rushing down my cheeks and since yesterday, I've been crying my eyeballs out like as if someone's dead. Yes, someone is dead. He's emotionally dead and I feel terrible. I can't even think straight now and I can feel myself dying emotionally too. Dying in a very slow and gruesome way.

I'm having a very bad headache. My throat still hurts like fuck, my whole body is aching very badly but my heart aches the most. I don't bother to consume any medication cause I want to let myself suffer since no one even care. I rather suffer from the worst disease in this world than suffer another heartbreak. This heart has been broken countless of times til I feel it's gonna be numb soon and it can't even feel anything anymore.

A few days ago, I was the happiest bitch alive. Today, I'm weak and feeling nothing but the opposite of happy. This is no surprise cause sadness and pain has somehow become a huge part of my life.

And baby, you're still the joy of my life. I need you badly right now. )': I miss you so much and I feel so lost right now. My heart aches so much like it's being pinched endlessly. You've managed to make this world a better place to live in eversince you came into my life. I love you k Edward Cullen.

A thousand apologies to Nurul for being the greatest bitch on earth yesterday. I was emotionally unstable and I chose to vent my anger on you. I'm so sorry, babe. I knew all you wanted was to cheer me up but at that point, nothing could cheer me up.

God, I'm so pathetic. Oh and I find Indonesian songs addictive again. -.-


And I want this pink Sony Vaio! But I highly doubt Mum would buy it for me unless she strike lottery or something. Super cute uh the laptop! Ibu, nak ni nak ni. *insert cute face* Oh and I can't wait to get my hands on my Canon dslr which I hopefully be getting in October. Yay!

/EDITED!

Ignore the post above except the Sony Vaio part. I'm okay now and I was just paranoid. -.- Mintak kena sepak eh Nurul. Anyways thanks Nurul for telling me those things. If not, forever I have doubts seh. I love you forever and ever k. Hurry get married cause I wanna rewang and most importantly, makan free. Okay best, okay go!

Meeting Nurul later at Bedok then we'll be heading to airport. Might be seeing Ryan there cause he's working. Last night I slept around 4plus, conferenced with Nurul and Ryan. Okay, I think that's all. I wanna go bathe and get ready.