I didn't sleep well at all last night. I kept tossing and turning. Now my body is aching and to make things worser, I am suffering from severe menstrual cramps. I thought I wanna rot at home in self-pity/depressed/PMS mode. But later gotta meet Nurul at the airport. She wanna borrow my digital camera for some event.

Anyways I heard you're not feeling well. I hope you get well soon.


/EDITED!

I was bored. The short essay is for someone to know that despite everything that happened and all the miles between us right now, I still think about the way it was in the beginning.

She often catch herself constantly wondering how he is, sitting alone with her mind set so far, reminiscing about his smile, voice and touch. Goodbyes always hurt whether it's the right thing to do or not. Even if she has moved on, that doesn't mean she won't be here if he changes his mind. She is somehow holding on to something that used to be there, hoping it will come back but knowing it won't. A lot of people walk in and out of her life but he was one of the only ones she really wanted to stick around.

She tries to talk to him, but she don't know what to say. She's afraid he don't want her to say anything. So she don't but inside of her, there are words waiting to come out and tell him how she feels and how she misses him. How she loves him despite her broken heart and how she needs him in her life. Especially how much she wants him but those words may stay forever in her heart. Sometimes she wonder of there are words locked inside him too, but she'll never know.

Maybe he's doing the same thing as her. Maybe he wants to call her so bad, but just won't because she haven't called him. Then again, maybe she shouldn't fill herself with false hope that he might just be missing her like she's missing him.

She tried to convince herself that she didn't want him anymore. But she just can't let go. She doesn't want to see him move on but she's not doing much about it either. She felt so good when she was with him, he made her feel like the world; to hear she was his favourite. He wasn't ashmed and would hold her hand anywhere. Everytime they kissed it felt like she was dreaming. Love felt like heaven when she was with him. Now that he's gone, she's hurting like hell. She misses him so much and wishes he's here by her side. But she made the wrong choice and it's too late. Too many mistakes has been made and she lost him.

The goodbye made her think. It made her realize what she had and what she has lost and what she has taken for granted.

It's always the same in every relationship, there is always one person crying and wishing to get back together. While the other doesn't even remember the things they've been through. I hate that I have to be the one who remembers every single detail when he can't seem to remember me at all. Someone should totally sue Disney for planting ideas in little kids' heads that every girl has a prince and everything ends up happily ever after which is pure bullshit.

It could've been our first month.