I am sorry. You've lost your heart and soul to a heartless woman. I cannot pretend anymore and I cannot feel what my heart doesn't want to feel. I love you but not that way. I know you're now unhappy again due to me. Just so you know, I am not feeling any better. I feel worse, I should say. Remember when I said your pain set off little stabs of my own? Yeah, I am feeling that now. You saw the misery in my eyes and you heard my pain. Thank you from being there for me all those times. If only I could feel the same way. I know you would never hurt me in any way but we can never be. I just can feel it. Friends are forever but love is just temporary. Which do you prefer, having me by your side til the end of time as friends or being in a relationship with me when I am not even genuinely in love with you?

Nevertheless, I swear I am gonna miss you.

I am gonna miss talking to you til wee hours.
I am gonna miss your gayfag moments.
I am gonna miss your laugh especially Huak Huak.
I am gonna miss bragging about Hannah Montana to you.
I am gonna miss hearing you yawn loudly when I do so.
I am gonna miss you kissing me through the phone.
I am gonna miss your perangai-ness and loyar buruk-ness.
I am gonna miss talking cute to you.

Please take care of yourself, uhm Sunshine if you still want me to call you that. I'm sorry, I really am. I promise I will try my very best to be a good girl and make you proud.

Anyways I had quite a nice day yesterday. Went to watch Helven perform at Clarke Quay with the usuals. Nothing much happened though. I kept to myself most of the time and wrote whatever I felt inside my Hannah Montana notebook. I am tired of pretending which explains whatever I wrote above. I think I am gonna try to write a song but I'll prolly suck at it. Anyways I have a cerpen to complete so I prolly try writing a song when I'm done with the cerpen. My cerpen is my main priority now.


What have you done to me? I hate you and eventhough you're just a stranger to me now with a known name, I simply can't get you out of my mind. And that makes me hate you even more. FUCK ALL THESE THOUGHTS I HAVE ABOUT YOU! It seems like you're the cause of this pain and at the same time, you're also the cure for it. And you're the reason the distance between me and her expand by each minute.

CAN SOMEONE JUST FUCKING SLAP ME, MAKE ME THINK AND LOVE MY SUNSHINE INSTEAD OF HAVING DEEP THOUGHTS OF THAT SARDONIC BASTARD?

Then again, I cannot feel what my heart doesn't want to feel. UGH SCREW LOVE!