It's hard to watch things change when all you want for them is to stay the same. It's funny but stupid how you want everything and nothing at the same time. It's crazy when you want to let go but you keep holding on and when you want to move on but you're stuck right where you started. When feelings come and go, you can't decide what you want. When you have so many things to say but you don't know where to start. When you want someone in your life so bad but all you can do is push them further and further away. It's so hard to think back to how things used to be and look at it now then realised that things are different and they may never be the same. You tell yourself it's not worth it but if it didn't really matter you wouldn't spend so much time thinking about it. Sooner or later we'll be looking back on everything and we'll laugh like we knew what was really happening all along. Someday we might listen to what people have to say. But for now, we'll make it by learning the hard way.


Baby, I believe you haven't lost your smile at all. It's right there under your nose. You just forgot it was there. I'm sorry, I sucked with words. I sucked in expressing how deep I feel. I sucked in behaving, doing all right things like brightening your days and such. Go on baby, do as you please now because there's so much lessons I could learn. I'm not afraid of shattering anymore because pain will heal with time. There's alot of things I wanna apologise for. Sorry for always yelling at you with my many versions of insulting things when we were together. Sorry for the sweetest empty promises and emotionally crushing your heart. But I'd like you thank you for slapping me back to reality and realise that good things doesn't come for girls like me. Like I said so many times, I don't blame you at all. We'd miss our sleeping hours on the phone and we'd miss each other every night cause those nights that kept us alive. Remember when we talked about where we'd be 10 years from now and remember when you held my hand like you'd never wanna let it go? Remember the way you'd kiss my nose when I laugh at your dumb jokes and remember how you'd smell my hair when I'm busy doing something else? Remember baby, cause that's all you can do. We'll never make another memory.

Okay I think I just typed a bunch of emo shit crap lol. Wells I have no idea why I am so emotionally weak. I would have swollen eyes in the morning at least once a week. I think I should be blame for global warming because I wasted tons of tissue papers just to wipe my tears from falling. Sometimes I guess you have to take a step back and realize what's actually important in your life, what you can live with but most importantly, what you can't live without.

There's alot of things occuring in this mind, heart and soul. But this mixed feelings are too intense to verbalize, to dejected to make statements. I'm glad though that I have friends who seem to have the ability to abstract my displeasure and ugly emotions from myself. They keep me away from thinking about it and lighten up my days with alot of entertainments. It makes me feel like I'm one lucky girl who owns the most awesome and nicest people around. I love you people tons!

On a totally different and brighter note, will be hanging out with Zee and her girls in town later. Woooo I'm excited please! Like finally we're hanging out yo. I shall only think of happy thoughts for now on. Okay have a great weekend everyone!